Arrogance of Large Church Families
The last I checked, pride goeth before the fall.
It happens every Sunday, we sit in the pew at church and a friend followed by her large family sits in front or behind my little family and I. When we first attended mass with his community, I was foolish for thinking some of these women would be friends with me. I literally concealed my professional life to be "just one of the girls." Turns out, with this community, if you don't meet the number of children the other catholic (homeschool) families have, you are on the outside. I even argued with myself, that perhaps I bring this thinking on myself, after all they are Church goers, they know they shouldn't judge and just be neighborly, no? It must be my insecurity, trying to be a round peg in a square hole, no? No! I think the worst comment I heard was, "I feel sorry for small families," it was a close second to, "Why are you tired, you only have two children?" and "You're lucky, no more babies!" These are comments all after mass during Church activities within the same year of my miscarriage.
But it's okay, I can see God using this to shape my husband and I. After a period of time, I realized the grass is not greener on the other side and I should not want for more than what He provides. After several years in this community, my point of view changes. I admit, I've felt sorry for them and their myopic mindsets. I'm sure they convince themselves that they are what a "true woman" is because of the number of children they bare. Which is great actually, but somewhere in their mindsets they've come to believe they are holier than thou. Heaven help me, unlike before, now some of them make me laugh. It's funny, them trucking down the hallways with their clan and in the pew as they walk past me without eye contact despite the fact that we taught homeschool classes together. They wave at their other mom friend past me. Let me hold back the golf clap. But these are the experiences of those with smaller families. The Capulets and Montagues of the church community.
Don't get me wrong, I think large families are beautiful and I realize they are often happy to be around each other but they are more beautiful when they practice what they say they're preaching. I think it's difficult for them to think their thinking might be hurtful and I find it arrogant that they believe they should be the standard.
If you are curious, my husband and I simply have no reason why we are a small family, other thank God's will. We are very traditional and conservative, pro-life and then some. We believe in Natural Family Planning and don't use contraceptives. Both of us grew up very sheltered Christian lives with God at the center. Our parents modeled long loving marriages build on teamwork and trust. We love our siblings with typical differences amongst each other but nonetheless we had the gift of wholesome, hardworking God-fearing families. Growing up we never partied or did drugs. We finished college and beyond. But I digress...
After 3 years in this community, I had a "mom friend" ask me, what's wrong with me medically since we haven't gotten pregnant yet? I said nothing, I had 3 tests. Plenty of bloodwork and ultrasounds to see what could be the delay and I have no medical issue. Could it be possible that God decided this? But it doesn't fit their expectation. After suffering a miscarriage, there was no medical issue noted, just a fact of life that happens. It was frustrating for my husband and I and our children at the time. But we push along, the best place to be is where I am at. We are so lucky that we can give more of ourselves to our children and not have to rely on older siblings for help and with this freedom my husband and I do not want to let God down.
Thanks be to God, he's allowed us a steadier family life. But with that comes other callings that those on the outside do not see. My relationship and duty to my single parent and siblings who have been seeking me out for spiritual guidance in the faith as well, my professional life outside of homeschooling. My duty is to God, my husband and children first but there is room for more given the family design God gave us. These are duties that were thrust on me. Prior to marriage and kids having an advanced healthcare degree was a calling made possible only with God.
Given the choice early in our marriage I wanted to just be a homeschool mom of many and working from home has allowed that, but God's choice rules. As of now, I have the gift of homeschooling and working from home. We can afford so much for our kids and expose them to so much travel as a family. It's been refreshing to realize the gift we have. So presently, as seasons change and time moves forward, my spouse and I become wiser. Moving on and moving forward with my family is my favorite place to be. We feel complete and have the desire to no longer be any different. We will always remain open to life but we realize this gift that is now in front of us - us four. Our family bond, life and love is much stronger than before. My hearts desire is to God and those around me.
It happens every Sunday, we sit in the pew at church and a friend followed by her large family sits in front or behind my little family and I. When we first attended mass with his community, I was foolish for thinking some of these women would be friends with me. I literally concealed my professional life to be "just one of the girls." Turns out, with this community, if you don't meet the number of children the other catholic (homeschool) families have, you are on the outside. I even argued with myself, that perhaps I bring this thinking on myself, after all they are Church goers, they know they shouldn't judge and just be neighborly, no? It must be my insecurity, trying to be a round peg in a square hole, no? No! I think the worst comment I heard was, "I feel sorry for small families," it was a close second to, "Why are you tired, you only have two children?" and "You're lucky, no more babies!" These are comments all after mass during Church activities within the same year of my miscarriage.
But it's okay, I can see God using this to shape my husband and I. After a period of time, I realized the grass is not greener on the other side and I should not want for more than what He provides. After several years in this community, my point of view changes. I admit, I've felt sorry for them and their myopic mindsets. I'm sure they convince themselves that they are what a "true woman" is because of the number of children they bare. Which is great actually, but somewhere in their mindsets they've come to believe they are holier than thou. Heaven help me, unlike before, now some of them make me laugh. It's funny, them trucking down the hallways with their clan and in the pew as they walk past me without eye contact despite the fact that we taught homeschool classes together. They wave at their other mom friend past me. Let me hold back the golf clap. But these are the experiences of those with smaller families. The Capulets and Montagues of the church community.
Don't get me wrong, I think large families are beautiful and I realize they are often happy to be around each other but they are more beautiful when they practice what they say they're preaching. I think it's difficult for them to think their thinking might be hurtful and I find it arrogant that they believe they should be the standard.
If you are curious, my husband and I simply have no reason why we are a small family, other thank God's will. We are very traditional and conservative, pro-life and then some. We believe in Natural Family Planning and don't use contraceptives. Both of us grew up very sheltered Christian lives with God at the center. Our parents modeled long loving marriages build on teamwork and trust. We love our siblings with typical differences amongst each other but nonetheless we had the gift of wholesome, hardworking God-fearing families. Growing up we never partied or did drugs. We finished college and beyond. But I digress...
After 3 years in this community, I had a "mom friend" ask me, what's wrong with me medically since we haven't gotten pregnant yet? I said nothing, I had 3 tests. Plenty of bloodwork and ultrasounds to see what could be the delay and I have no medical issue. Could it be possible that God decided this? But it doesn't fit their expectation. After suffering a miscarriage, there was no medical issue noted, just a fact of life that happens. It was frustrating for my husband and I and our children at the time. But we push along, the best place to be is where I am at. We are so lucky that we can give more of ourselves to our children and not have to rely on older siblings for help and with this freedom my husband and I do not want to let God down.
Thanks be to God, he's allowed us a steadier family life. But with that comes other callings that those on the outside do not see. My relationship and duty to my single parent and siblings who have been seeking me out for spiritual guidance in the faith as well, my professional life outside of homeschooling. My duty is to God, my husband and children first but there is room for more given the family design God gave us. These are duties that were thrust on me. Prior to marriage and kids having an advanced healthcare degree was a calling made possible only with God.
Given the choice early in our marriage I wanted to just be a homeschool mom of many and working from home has allowed that, but God's choice rules. As of now, I have the gift of homeschooling and working from home. We can afford so much for our kids and expose them to so much travel as a family. It's been refreshing to realize the gift we have. So presently, as seasons change and time moves forward, my spouse and I become wiser. Moving on and moving forward with my family is my favorite place to be. We feel complete and have the desire to no longer be any different. We will always remain open to life but we realize this gift that is now in front of us - us four. Our family bond, life and love is much stronger than before. My hearts desire is to God and those around me.
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